Missing: My So-called ‘Normal Life’

It’s been in my amygdala for a while, but it’s starting to really sink in for the rest of my brain that this Covid Pandemic isn’t going anywhere soon. I say this out loud (online in a cloud that floats by) where there is so much noise; no one may hear it. And that’s OK – because it is just one more depressing realization in a long series and we’re all facing this together.

The really interesting part of this pandemic, is the epiphany of how acutely we all need connection. Yes, even the introverts are getting lonely.

Even for myself (and I talk on Zoom all day), when I’m out in the neighborhood getting my walks in – I’m SO EXCITED to see other real-life people in their driveways, doorways, cars or walking too – all waving happily as we socially distance. It’s suddenly a wish to have the time to chat up unknown neighbors, rather than the old reality of, ‘should I make eye-contact or not with this stranger that could be a neighbor?’

Now, the need for connecting with others in person is like an ache. When you see that friend that you always hug too big, and now you have to settle with touching elbows and keeping a safe distance. You’re listening to what they’re saying, but you’re still paranoid that someones’ PPE won’t be enough, or that you’ll do something silly while you’re drinking together spatially distant, and laugh too forcefully, and infect someone or be infected. There is this underlying tremor of fear.

What will happen to all of us when this is over? Will we ever go back to handshaking and relaxing? When did it become common to get an anxiety attack going to the damn grocery store?!

My hope is that we can get back somewhere near our “normal” without losing the knowledge that we’ve gained in this sheltering in place: that we need one another, and we need to be kind to one another.

My hope is that when this is over, we will appreciate everything so much more and stop rushing in all the wrong directions. Now that I’ve had some serious family time, I’m 1. ready for a break, and 2. so grateful for this time with them.

I feel like with every crap-sandwich life hands you; you learn something. I hope whatever “our new normal” is will have us all appreciating one another more, appreciating the time we have in-person, facing one another, holding hands, laughing loudly without fear, hugging, and spending more quality time with one another. I’m looking forward to it.